“Call me Mr. Flintstone”

I decided I would write in the ol’bloggo tonight and while at work I came up with at least 5 things to write about. I even wrote some of the ideas down on the back of my hand (it’s how I keep notes for myself), but since then I have washed my hands a couple of times and can only just make out part of one story. I guess I will wing it.

Did you know there is Techno Bagpipe music out there? Who would have thought? Don’t get me wrong I really like bagpipes. I normally try really hard to make it to the Pipes in Abingdon during the Highlands Festival. Nothing like hearing the sound of a pipe cut threw the distance in the early morning fog. It takes me back to my college days and hearing the piper playing on the drill field while walking to those blasted 8am classes. But you have to admit out of all the instruments in the world, bagpipes can be one of the more annoying ones. Then mix that with the hands down most obnoxious music genre out there! WOW, step back and watch out.

And to get you further in the spirit of the-someday-national-holiday that is today here is a really awesome Celtic Rock Band (believe it or not but they have those too, and these guys are pretty good) called Frightened Rabbit.

I got another work story! So today I get a called-in question that led to a one man dance party (I’m the only man at work). First off let me tell you today turn out to be a goofy day as you can probably tell from the previous sentence. I only managed to wink out about 8 hours of sleep the past two nights combined plus working the 12 hour shifts during the day really drains the batteries, so I was a little goofy by day two. Back to the question, a woman asked me today if a home pregnancy test would be thrown off by her having polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I had no idea. So I did what I normally do when I don’t know the answer, I search for it. Now I know the home pregnancy test measure minute traces of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) which is produced by the embryo to stop the hormone machine that is the “woman’s cycle”. But I wasn’t sure if PCOS could produce hCG in the course of the condition. So I grabbed an e.p.t. home pregnancy test and called the customer helpline on the back of the box (800-337-7266). Surely they would know right? I was on hold for about 45 minutes and I found it ironic that the hold music was the most sensual elevator music I have ever heard. That’s right the testing-if-baby-was-made company was playing some pretty good baby-making music. I cracked up when I realized this and then put in on speaker phone for everyone to listen to. Then I started dancing to it (which is a little weird, but you have to do something, it is work and I was on hold for 45 minutes). But my dance wasn’t a sensual dance like the music suggested, that would be inappropriate at the work place. I was dancing like I was in a Siberian Techno Dance Hall (because Siberian Techno Dance Hall dancing is appropriate in the work place. Go ahead look it up it’s in the manual under VIIIa page 34 paragraph 6d line 9). And I wasn’t dancing alone, after 15 minuets of the hold music my technician was dancing some too. A little more reserved than I, but dancing nonetheless (workplace victory). Long story short I was speaking Greek to the helpline guy. Once I started telling him that the test measures trace levels of hCG he told me I knew more about it than he did. I did get out of him from his stock Q&A list that ovarian cyst can cause false positives and that was enough to answer my question (not everyone who has PCOS will have ovarian cyst, but it does occur in PCOS thus there is a possibility for a false positive). Knowledge obtained, sensual baby-making elevator music found, and a hand full of stock techno dance moves executed to near perfection equals an hour well spent at work. Please call the number, listen for yourself, and enjoy.

Speaking of baby-making, that reminds me. I started another book this one is called A Cook’s Tour and in it the author really mingles sensual pleasure with the pleasure we get from eating great food. Did you know the pleasure/reward zones in the brain for sex and food are in the same areas? I don’t know if I learned that in this book or picked that little fact up somewhere else, but it’s something to think about isn’t it. The intro talks about moments burned into memory like hands smelling of crushed fireflies, first stolen cold beer on a hot summers night, thinking American Chinese food is an exotic cuisine, the taste of champagne on a woman’s lips, a few beads of caviar licked off a nipple… etc. (For the record I’m adding the last two to the to-do list. I am also going to indulge that I started celebrating St. Patrick’s Day about 3 hours ago so please excuse my forthrightness) I wonder if the pleasure zone activation is what burns those memories into our long term recollection, a Pavlovian Conditioning of sorts. I never ate or had sex with a lightning bug but I do remember experiencing immense joy as a child jumping, twisting, and lunging to catch them barefooted on the damp grass of a warm summers night in the backyard when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I also remember the first beer I stole riding home from a canoeing trip ducking out of sight in the bed of my dad’s pickup truck. I don’t remember much of my chemistry classes in college, didn’t have a lot of pleasure sitting through those. But I do remember with vivid clarity the story behind why I want to throw-up every time I taste marshmallows, which has nothing to do with pleasure. Actually that story is the opposite of pleasure it involves the pain of a broken tooth. Maybe ingrained memories are established from punishment and rewards in our lives, divinely designed fixed in quick recall to direct our future actions and decisions. Hum… makes me wonder how my mad techno dance skills will positively affect future decisions. And here is how I’m going to tie the rewards/punishment musing in with St. Patrick’s Day. As a kid you were negatively rewarded with a pinch if you forgot what today was and as an adult you are positively rewarded with funky green clothes, green food, and green beer if you remembered. Nice tie in huh?

My beard is red and my glass is full. Here is to you and me on this not quite but almost national holiday, good health, good friends, and good times. Hope you enjoy it and many more like it. 3/17/2010

Hirsute Esophagus

Couple of updates then a story, a disgusting story that might make the weak stomached person toss their cookies (*disclaimer).

This past week has been a heavy work week. I’m tired, and I’m still going to pick up an extra day this Friday because of update number one. I need to buy a house. Last week I went house hunting and let me tell you, it’s not a fun activity to do alone. From Tuesday night to Thursday morning I probably spent 10+ hours combing the internet, local realtor mags, and for sale by owner sites. I narrowed it down to 3 houses and decided to make a quick visit on this past Thursday afternoon. After all that time and energy all three houses were a bust. It’s back to the drawing board for me. But it is kind of my own fault, I’m a very particular person, it will either take a million dollars or the perfect fit to suit me. But if I’m going to have to live in the place for at least 5 years, I want a good place. Story of my life, I’m still looking for the perfection. I’m not giving up yet.

OK, kegged batch number 3, it’s ready to enjoy. Had a mishap with the dispensing end of the pressurized keg, ended up with a face full of beer. I believe I have figured out the fix and should be enjoying an English IPA next time I run downstairs. As for the Nut Brown Ale (batch number 2), it is great, had my first one last night, and am very pleased with the outcome. Sad news, I will be loosing my brewing buddy soon; AG is heading back out west for a job. I’m taking applications for a new brewing buddy as we speak. If you know anyone who enjoys cooking, science, fishing, and/or a wide variety of beers, please tell them to apply.

I watched Endless Summer II one late night when I was half asleep. It is a surf docu-movie about chasing the waves around the world in the mid 90’s. I dreamt about living on a pacific island where all I did was fish and surf for the next 3 nights after that. I have to learn to surf sometime, it’s a necessity. I wouldn’t mind giving it all up and chasing the wave around the world. I think that’s totally gnarly!

I have been helping out with the planning of my ten year class reunion. I guess I am on the committee, I go to the meetings. Anyway in August of this year there will be THE party of the decade. I have already asked off 4 days from work for it. I can’t wait; I’m almost giddy with excitement and anticipation. So far we have a lake day, Ben G and the Sidearm’s at the Mill, family meet and greet (bring the kids thing, i'm not attending that one) and then the official reunion, live bands, catered food, swinging from chandeliers. It’s going to be a weekend for the history books. I literally can not wait till August.

Now for the gross story:

I work in the health care industy and I see some pretty sick stuff day in day out. I have a pretty strong stomach. But tonight took the cake. I get a little queasy just thinking about the sight I saw this evening. Let me lay out the story, my tech and I were talking about what to get for dinner, busy doing work, normal night. Up rolls this scraggly dude and he tosses a script over the glass. I’m obviously busy doing something and he goes “Hey, you’re the pharmist right? Come here, I have a question for you.” So I go over to him expecting the normal questions. But not this guy, he goes “Have you ever seen this?” opens his mouth as wide as he can and goes “ahhhhhhhh”. The back of his throat was covered in what looked like long grey/white pubic hairs coming up from his stomach!!!! He then tells me the story about how he has chest hairs growing in his esophagus. It’s the craziest most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I wouldn’t even imagine that possible, couldn’t have dreamed it up in a million years. It blows my mind just thinking about it. I’m going to gross out my kids and grandkids around the fire on camping trips with this story. Needless to say I wasn’t as hungry after the man’s visit, but I still managed to eat my burger for dinner.

Started fishing, I've been a couple of times now. I have got one bite so far, the season is getting near!!! Moving to deep water next sunny day I’m off. Also I’ve started growing a beard just to try it out again; turns out I have turned into a red head since the last time I grew a beard, crazy huh?